this is my heart;

Tuesday, January 25, 2011 ACTUALLY IM WAITING FOR UR REPLY... HAIX...

You know when i get to know that you going overseas for work... i was worried... even if ou go for 1 day... im worried for you... i msg you to tell you becareful all that... i know i got no rites to tell you all this but i just cant seem to forget you... i really care for you... i admited that in the msg i told you not to reply me... but actually till now im waiting for ur reply... haix... nvr mind i dun blame you... just hoping that you really take care of urself there... love you.. too bad the word love i cant really say it to you cause i know you dun wann to listen at all.. haix... i can just say it in here... :( i feel so lonely without you.....

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7:56 PM

Saturday, December 25, 2010 THIS YEAR CHRISTMAS..... HAIX...

I have been msging you for the past few days, but you didnt reply me... its ok for me bahx... but ytd i text you a christmas greetings, but in the end you also nvr reply me... my wish this year is to be with you again, i know it wont happen bahx.. But by replying me i also cant get it,,, haix... if you really hate me, just reply me and tell me that you hate me bahx, and tell me to stop disturbing you... i've been waiting for ur reply since just now... wat should i do... haix... can someone really tell me wat to do... btw i miss you so much.... i heard that you are enjoying life.. you make ur hair, buy stuffs all that... haix... im happy for you bahx..... is good to hear that u are happy.... if you really wann me to stop msging you all that than i guess i will do it bahx, even though im not willing to do it.. haix.........

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5:16 AM

Monday, December 20, 2010 IM MISSING YOU..

Im back to Singapore, once i touch down my mind is all about you, i miss you so much... should i msg you ..? i really dun know... i just dun wann you to think about the past... haix... i really miss you so much, i really wanns to see you but will you see me if i ask you to... If i msg you, will you be angry with me..? im lost and confused.. haix... I MISS YOU....!!!!!!!!! Until now im still loving you..... i just cant forget you... haix... :(

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6:50 PM

Sunday, November 21, 2010 Friends...?

baobeii.... haix.. you tell me just be friends.... haix... Do you know the feeling when you really love that someone, and that someone just tell you that lets just be friends... haix.. i cant really know how to explain the feelings... only the heart can feel it... haix.. baobeii ahx baobeii.... haixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx..............

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9:41 PM

Baobeii this is for you.....

Haix.... i really dun know should i at least msg you anot... do you still remember that in few more hours i will be going off liaox mahx...? i have been waiting for ur msg... should i msg you..? to tell you im going off already... but that time you told me not to contact you anymore.... maybe i should just keep it this way bahx... than you wont think bout anything... just wanna say that im sorry for everything, i have been making you worried bout me even when you are stress.. keep pressuring you all that.. just wanna say sorry bout it... i thought that i could mit you for the last time but nvm.. haix.. i didnt msg you because i dun care or forget bout you, is just that im to afraid to do it... i dun know y also... maybe cause i noe wat you will reply me bahx... you will ask me becareful,spend money properly, drink alot water.. and the last thing you will say is dun worry bout you, you know how to take care of urself.... and the thing is i will worry bout you derx.. haix.... i just dunno bahx... all this while we thought that we use to it lerx being together.. but when i start to go to thai i know that im not use to it, is i really love you derx.. is just that i nvr tell bahx.... but now when you leave me, i really know that my love for you is totally real.. but i think to late lerx bahx.. to realised all this.. i should have treated you btr last time... now even if i show how much i love you there is no point anymore you just wont notice it bahx... even if you notice it, it wont change anything.. baobeii... remember to take care of urself kkx... hope that these few days you are feeling btr,i nvr even disturb you anymore...as long as im still breathing i will wait for you derx... i will wait till you open up ur heart again... baobeii... i will miss you alot derx.. and the most important thing is that i will still love you no matter wat happen...i will/have never ever hate you or feel regret being with you... thank you for everything baobeii laopo... you are part of my life,i will never ever forget you derx, you will always be my 1 and only 1, love you lots... MUACKX................. :'( SORRY!!!!!!!!!!

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6:03 AM

Saturday, November 20, 2010 Am i being selfish...?

I sometimes do think that im being selfish.. i onli think of myself.. i already know that you cant be with me, you cant face me, but i still force you to be with me... haix... is it btr for you to just let you be free...? dun disturb you anymore.. i know how you feel.. you are damn stress rite now.. and i make you more stress... im selfish rite...? haix.. cause i wann be with you than i nvr think of how you feel... i really understand ur situation.. but i still insisted that we should still be together.. haix... i just dun know by doin wat is rite or wrong... i really dun mind waiting for you, but if i wait, will we still be together, or when i wait than the more you will be far away from me... haix... am i selfish...?

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3:21 AM

Should i contact you...?

Baobeii.. i miss you so much... should i msg you...? should i call you..? haix.. i really miss you so much... but you tell me not to contact you anymore.... wat should i do.. ? i really miss you alot... i just wanna hear ur voice and just see ur msg... should i msg you mahx... I've been thinking of you all this while.... do you think of me..? haix... :(

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3:06 AM

Friday, November 19, 2010 Where i spend the 200 plus on....

Remember you ask me where i spend that 200 plus on, i say that i dun know.. actually that money i spend on the necklace that i bought it for you... i just dun wann to tell you... but in the end you gave me attitude, but i still wont tell you where i spend it on...I nvr told you about it because no matter wat you still wanna leave me, so no point telling you... sorry....

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2:13 PM

Another day has pass...

Today is another day for me to feel the suffer again... day by day i just love you more and more, but you are not with me anymore.... i just dunno wat i should do.... i just cant move on... i just hope that you understand my feelings... haix.......

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1:59 PM

Thursday, November 18, 2010 Do you love me..?

baobeiiii..... i really wann to know if you have feelings for me..? do you love me...? is true thats is a no...? we have been together for 3 years 6 months cannot be suddenly no right...? i really love you alot... baobeiii....... i really need you in my life... i really need you... we have been through up and down together.... we can solved this together rite.....? just give this relationship a chance pls... pls baobeiii.... i cant recover from this hurt.. i really cant.... i know you very stress... im sorry i make you more stress,but i just need the chance... pls..... im feeling so depressed rite now... i know you feel like that too... i dun wann you feel that way... by leaving me can it really take you away from that darkness....? i know when you need me the most im not there... how i wish i could be there.. but i cant... im sorry.. really very sorry... few more days i will going back to thailand again... just a few months... if can i really dun wann go back..but i have to do it.. this is wat army ask me to do... haix... i really cant forget you.... im bleeding from inside.. haix...

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7:30 PM

A video i have made myself..haix...

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5:57 PM

Tears came rolling down

Today i found out that you have change ur facebook profile... you have change ur status all that.. suddenly my tears came rolling down... haix....... I can see that you totally wanna forget me.. im really sorry... sorry for things i did in the past if i do make you angry all that.... and i wanna say thanks to you for giving me the chance to be with you last time.. i have learned alot from you.. i have learned that love is really a strong thing in life... it can make me happy, make me sad and can even hurt me deeply...By now i think even if i cry you dun even give a damn, you must be use to it lerx bahx, cause for the past few days when i mit you, my tears will just fall just like that even though i tried to control it... im hurt deeply... all i can do is cry... cry like a little baby... can anyone just tell me wat to do... i really cant take this feeling anymore... i really cant... i really dun know wat to do... Im feeling so lonely...... im sad and stress.... wat should i do..???????

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3:11 PM

Wat do i think bout this pic...?

To me this pic tells me that a person can love a person till death and the oth thing is when a person Z love the person R, and that person R hurt the feeling of the person Z and the person Z feel like only death can solved is prob.... so to me is you love that person till death and Love can bring death to you...

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2:18 PM

My Legs hurts alot

After i woke up....Now my legs feel so pain.... haix.. But its ok.... I dun mind being physically pain rather than internally....After you broke up with me.. i feel like doing things that will hurt me...Im not crazy or wat is just that wat i think now is nth can compare the hurt that you gave it to me.... i can recover from oth pain... but this pain... is totally different... You keep say just move on... I really cant move on... How am i gonna move on when my heart totally urs..? haix... Nvm if you can move on, than you move on bahx... just let me be wat i am now... For now i just wanna be like this... I will just make myself physically pain.. than maybe 1 day i will die from doin it... Even though i am a guy... does not mean i wont feel hurt by you.. I dun mind if ppl say things about me.. they wanna say i behave like a girl or wat i dun mind, they dun understand how i feel... No one understand how i feel..... haix.....

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1:38 PM

How i went home after the trip to marina square....

I went to marina at 17 Nov 2010.. went there to play bowling with Mervyn, Brian, Chin Boon, Fain, Fenddy, Mandy, Wei jun and keling.... Just trying to make myself busy so that i can dun think to much bout you... But in the end... haix... I still think of you.... We use to go there and play the kiap kiap game, kiap some bears... haix.... Than after that we go eat dinner at hot pot.. By than the time is 9.45.. So all wanna go back home as they were working the next... Than i tell them that i decided no to go back home,i wanna go for a walk,so they say ok, they go back first... Suddenly mervyn told me that he wanna follow... So i and mervyn decided to go for a walk... At 12 o'clock i told him that i wanna walk home from marina square,i thought he will say you siao ahx...But he didnt says that, he says ok lorx... So we start walking....firstly we pass by Fullerton Hotel, than pass by boat quay... than we go to 7 eleven to buy some drinks and cigarettes.. After that we continue our walk.. than we pass by Clarke quay, we continue walk all the way to Dhoby Ghaut than to little India than farrer park than Boon Keng than Potong Pasir than Serangoon... So while we walking we talk alot of stupid crap thing.. laughing while talking.. Than while walking halfway through, we saw a girl crying at the bus stop near upper serangoon shopping centre... than we notice that she didnt wear pants, she was in her panties, than she shouted at her phone that she wanna jump down, so mervyn and i was worried... so we followed her to make sure that she dun do anything stupid... we followed her till hougang street 11 blk 161.. she went up the block so we followed, after we saw her at 7 floor, she already have her pants on... i think she took it from outside ppl house... than we act like we nvr see her... so we just walk straight.. after that we decided to approach her and ask her if she is ok or does she need help... but when we walk back she was gone... so we tried to find her again... we spent about 1 hour but we cant find her... so me and mervyn went on with our walk... so while walking to kovan mrt, me and mervyn really hope that she wont kill herself.. Our heart does not feel good.. so when we reach kovan mrt, we decided to stop, so we sat down at the bus stop.. after that we decided to call the police... so mervyn called the police... after making the report and after mervyn put down his phone, the police called back, they wanna mit us at the place where we followed the girl.. so we took a cab there.. when we reached there, there were so many policeman and civil defence.. than we have to explain to the police wat exactly happen.. by than when we already ready to go back to our walking journey it is already 5.30 am.. so we decided to take a cab home... i reached home at 5.45 am...Hope that the girl is ok.. We tried to help you but you keep running away.... Me and mervyn cant believe that we walk so far, from marina to hougang.. i felt so good... But i still cant forget you... i have nvr done this type of thing before... im so stress till i dun feel tired at all... haix... But you will nvr know it... how i really wish that you are with me... i really love you alot....Now i reach home i dun even feel tired... my mind only have you right now.... i really hope that 1 day you really understand me and we can get back together again.....

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5:32 AM

Wednesday, November 17, 2010 Does not mean guy cant cry.. we do have feelings too...

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1:07 PM

My birthday 1904

You:Baobeii~~~ Happi Birthday. . . miss you. . . at thai must take care hor... don let me worry. . . don have to worry abt me okies. . . ii will tak care ders. . . u ar, better tak care hor. . . time flies. . . its been years liao... tis year not there to pei u celebrate. . . be happi okies. . . missing you here~~~ Love YOU~~~

Me: thank you laopo...how can i dun worry about you...you are my baobei laopo lehx.. dun worry..im ok rite here.. so since im ok rite here,i will care for you... ok laopo..make sure you take care of yourself ok... dun anyhow eat all that.. is not good for you.. i have been loving and missing you more and more since i reached here... love you..

Will you still wish me as wat you wish for me before, on my birthday next year....? haix...

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12:21 PM

When i woke up...

This morning when i work up... the first thing that i think is you....... and the next thing i remember is that we are not together anymore.... haix... y must this happen to us.... y...? i misses you so much.... my heart just tell me that dun forget you... my heart just dun wanna forget you... you are still in my heart... it just wont go out... everywhere i go, it just reminds me of you..... tears is the onli thing that i can make for now....is not the tears of joy but is the tears of sadness....

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12:09 PM

Our 3 years anniversary... 2 MAY

You: Baobeii happi anniversary. . . 3 yrs le leh. . . Haha u better don gay wit ur friend at Thai, ask him get back to normal. Haha. . . I will tak care of myself de don worry abt me ok. . . Ppl around always got tak care of me so don have to worry for me. . . U at there tak care leh. Eat fat fat. . . Anything must tell me....

Me:laopo thank you.... thanks for giving me the chance to be with you...thank you for being so understanding even thought i sometime give you attitude all that.. i really misses you so much... cant wait to go back and see you...really love you alot. been thinking of you since my first day here... love you muackx... tc... ok laopo... phom rak koon mak mak...

You: Haha baobeii ~~~ u so late haven slp? Haha been waitin for u to see haha. . . Love u~ muacks~ I will tak care myself u also okies. . . Don smoke so much lik I always said to u hor. .

Now is gone....Just cant seems to forget you...

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11:53 AM

Evanescence - My Immortal

Lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too realThere's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate meBy your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behindYour face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with meI've been alone all along

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11:39 AM

10 May

Me: i have been missing you for a long time...? wat should i do...? i cant do anything wth...how useless am i and somemore you need to suffer alone... haix... laopo i miss you so much..

You: Baobeii very fast will pass le. . . And soon u will be back. . . Den u can see ur. . . U not here den better, cos I keep mood swing haha. . . If u here I think everyday I bully u leh haha. . . I miss u too. . . Don worry so much ok. . . im not suffering la. . . har u at there good life rite pierce here and there. . . later u pierce somemore u gonna get it from me when u get back haha. . .

See how caring you are... but now.... haix...

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11:28 AM

I really feel like dying....

i can see that you really hate me... when i try to hold ur hand, you push me away... when i talk to you nicely, you gave me attitude... Do you know how i feel...? im hurt... i feel like there is a knife piercing through my heart... i really dun feel like staying in this world anymore.. just feel like dying.... But i just cant do it because i still wanna see you...But if one day i really cant take it than i will just have to do it... i have done once, i dun mind doing it twice....

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11:13 AM

25 MAY

You:tears drop down when i woke up. . . suddenly miss u so much. . . i tot i wont be able to see u anymore. . . don worry im still fine jus tat. . . 'miss' is in my mind fighting so hard. . . to come out. . .

Me:laopo dun worry ok,ur waiting and ur misses will be awarded,you just have to tahan ok laopo. I know how you feel cause im feeling the same way as you. But im sure we both can do it. Ok love you..

You: wa so early online liao ar. . . my fan drop down leh. . . tats why i tot i wont see u anymore. . .

Me:laopo,in the end are you hurt.? I believe that we will see each oth and sta together till we gone. So im sure that you are strong enough to overcome everything ok. We can do it for sure.

you:nope im nt hurt. . . drop down i suddenly wake up ler. . . ur sick ok? drink more water okies baobeii. . .

I just miss those days when we were like this... haix.... Im starting to miss you alot.... haix...

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11:01 AM

I just hope that you will give this relationship a chance

I know that you are very stress all that right now..... i just wanna be there with you helping you to recover from ur darkness and at the same time i wann you to love me back... i just dun wann to end this relationship just like this... Y cant you just give it a chance...? Time can recover everything... i really dun know wat you thinking... haix... nvm i will just have to follow ur way, i will not contact you anymore... sorry for everything.... my heart will always be with you.....

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10:09 AM